Hey guys! this post is going to be very hard for me to make, i had no plan on making this and no structure so this is all coming straight from my head but i felt like i needed to say this because of the fact that..well.. its nearly been a year for me blogging and i am so amazed by how many people read my blog, comment and also like it. i am so near to 1000 followers and now i am feeling as though i want to get more personal with my readers so you know exactly who i am as a person. DISCLAIMER: Sorry for the bad grammar i am literally writing this as it comes to mind.
As many of you already know my weight loss journey started a year ago from February 2015, and i have made a post about the tips i used to lose weight in which you can read here. I’ve always wanted to start a YouTube channel but felt embarrassed because i was not confident in myself at all. Weighing 225lb this time last year was the lowest point in my life. I used to avoid mirrors because i didn’t like who i’d become and what i was doing to myself. School was very hard for me, i wouldn’t say i got bullied but being one of the bigger kids in school made me feel very self conscious, i used to always be picked last for sport, and when i did i was always placed as a goal keeper because of the fact that in quote ‘you’re fat, you can block the ball’. I used to miss every sports day in secondary school(high school) because i felt so self conscious since everyone had to watch me either run or jump. Family was very hard as well, i guess i was surrounded by all of my beautiful siblings and parents. My mum looks as though she hasn’t aged a day since I was born, my sisters all have amazing features and my brother was your standard ‘man’ heavy build and muscular. So i guess i always felt like the ugly duckling, the one that didn’t get the ‘good-looking gene’- no one really paid attention to me. Although, I just brushed off the comments that were made because I was always told that the opinions of other don’t matter it still hurt me so i would go home and just eat… i ate because it made me happy.. i ate because it made me think about something else rather than myself..i ate because i though that no-one cared about me.
I would say the tipping point for me was when i was at a store and I of course decided to use the lift rather than the stairs, because of the fact that there were so many people the lift didn’t move because there was too much weight pushing down. So everyone waited for someone to get out (mind they were all pretty healthy looking) embarrassed, i came out of the lift and what do you know… the lift worked. I was heartbroken, crying when i went home and just looked at myself in the mirror. Something that I didn’t do in over 8 months. That’s when i told myself that i am going to change.
Prior to this when i was 12-13 years old i would buy dieting supplements from the store and just take them one pill at a time every single day to the point where i was having 3 a day. This lasted for about a week before i stopped because it was doing more harm than good and also because i didn’t notice anything. I also tried slimming drinks and just drank them for breakfast, lunch and dinner hiding the slimming drink powder under my bed to the point where i nearly passed out due to the lack of nutrients. And, finally which I think was the most drastic thing that i have ever done and still regret to this day was i didn’t eat.. I starved my-self and if i did then i would just vomit it back out in the toilet. I did this for a few days before i just binged with food because i hated what i was doing to myself. – I’VE TOLD NO ONE THIS INFORMATION NOT EVEN MY FAMILY.
Moving on to the point i made about changing myself…yet again. i met someone who i fell completely in love with although they didn’t know at the time but i felt as though they felt the same. They made me feel so special and looked past my weight but looked at me in a way where no one else did.. they saw the real me. my interior rather than exterior. Much like me the person went through there own weight-loss journey so i looked up to them a lot. Not only did i want to lose the weight for me but also because i didn’t want to disappoint the person, they helped me through the process so i lost weight correctly and for the long term..and also because of the fact that i wanted to feel confident enough to tell them how I really felt.
So I ate right, i worked out and the pounds were dropping and i started to feel more confident. I was losing weight in healthy intervals- around 1-2lb a week. Until around April of this year where i finally had the courage and confidence to tell my friend how i felt… lets just say that it got complicated.. once again i spiraled out of control..but i didn’t binge. Instead i looked at myself in the mirror and just started crying… i felt like nothing changed.. i still saw myself as the ‘fat kid’ although people told me ‘Ishan you need to stop losing weight’ ‘Your losing too much weight’ ‘you really need to stop now’. I just didn’t see it. I still saw myself as fat and I saw myself like this up until September of this year where me and my friend started talking again and I told him all about the problems i was having.
And now, as i am writing this i am in a happy state mind. I have amazing friends and family that are encouraging me to make the most out of my life. Hopefully heading to University and being independent. I just wanted to say that i didn’t write this post because i want sympathy or petty. I am writing this mainly because weight-loss can be a huge struggle for some people before and after they start. What i want.. my readers.. my friends to take away from this is that the true transformation happens from the inside. And i am writing this as i have tears because blogging has helped me escape, its helped me interact with people and feel confident and make my way through this twisty, and rough road we call life.
HERE ARE SOME CRINGEY BEFORE AND AFTER SHOTS FROM 2015-2016